Whimsy

Do you remember how to drink after work? How about before and during work? Okay, let’s stick with the first question.

If you don’t think climate change is real, and you further believe that hot summer weather stops on a dime after Labor Day, feel free to: (a) skip this column; (b) splash baby oil all over yourself, and (c) sunbathe from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. for a week in Phoenix, Arizona (motto: “We’re America’s Armpit!”).

I recently sent an email to my closest friend confirming that he and I would be having dinner together that evening. His one-word reply—”Yep”—was followed by these 49 words:

If reincarnation works, it’ll give me the chance to pay off my Visa bill, pay down my reverse mortgage and rewrite my will. Leaving my art collection to Midas Muffler may have been a tad whimsical, I’ll grant you.

I recently took my first real vacation in almost 14 years. I went to Idaho—home to crystalline lakes, emerald parks, easygoing people and apparently, excellent potatoes.

Will the new jingle for a major airline’s commercials become, 🎶 “Fly your fleshy thighs (if United”)?

Today’s edition celebrates Two Great Moments in Modern Marketing.

When I first read the headline, “Active Jobs Could Lengthen Your Life,” I’ll admit my first reaction was “No, they just make your life seem longer.”

Forget Waldo and wondering where the hell he is. If you want to find him so badly, upgrade your GPS. Or tell him to.