All for Drones, and Drones for All!
Line up for your non-flying pilot’s license
By Ed Goldman
My new goal in life is to qualify for a Part 107 FAA pilot’s license. It won’t allow me to fly a plane, you’ll be relieved to learn, but will allow me to sing “Send In The Drones,” the song my beloved Stephen Sondheim might have written had he spent more time with lifeguards in the Hamptons before he passed two years ago at the age of 91.
I read about the drone license in my favorite aviation magazine, The New Yorker, two weeks ago. Drones are being used by lifeguards in the aforementioned Hamptons to spot sharks (the fish, not the social climbing or payday-lending ones). The Hamptons, of course, is where affluent Manhattanites go to dye.
Auto hurt
“There were five reported possible shark bites in Long Island this summer,” the magazine also reported. “Last Monday, a woman was bitten in the Rockaways.”
As someone who was bitten in his own Rockaways once, I can attest to how painful an experience this can be. My injuries weren’t caused by a shark but my attorney has suggested I say no more about it until after a scheduled settlement conference with a party identified in court papers as Rover, A Rottweiler.
Instead, permit me to quote from one of my favorite films, “The Thin Man.” This exchange follows an attack on Nick Charles by a suspect in the murder of a scientist (the actual “Thin Man” of the title, though people assumed it meant the star, William Powell—just as people think “Frankenstein” was the monster, not its creator).
Nick Charles (William Powell): I’m a hero. I was shot two times in the Tribune.
Nora Charles (Myrna Loy): I read where you were shot five times in the tabloids.
Nick Charles: It’s not true. He didn’t come anywhere near my tabloids.
Drones allow lifeguards to spot serious danger but also the potential for it. One example given was when they saw a woman floating along on an inner tube a few dozen yards from shore and were concerned she had passed out or was attempting to commit what I refer to as suicide-by-floatation device—i.e., gliding to oblivion while awaiting the waves or exposure to finish her off.
Instead, the woman had a beatific expression on her face, which I imagine could be interpreted as perfect bliss caused by her having just learned she won the California lottery or by having drifted away from her grown children for a few moments. Or both. The guards kept their binocs trained on her and before long, she paddled herself back to land.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have our own drones to scan a room before we decided to “work” it, or an unfamiliar golf course before we went to play it or a blind-date before the scheduled meet-up time? It could almost function as a time machine, allowing you to draw conclusions in advance of how, respectively, a reception, golf game or date might go.
I’d personally like to see the following from my drone’s cameras:
– Mechanics tossing a coin to see what they’ll decide my car’s ping-ping noise is and what they’ll charge me to fix it, but fix it only enough to require me to make a return trip within a few weeks. Having a sound-recording device on the drone would be helpful but if the camera has a strong enough zoom lens, I’m willing to hire a lip reader.
– The body language of relatives or in-laws as they busy themselves setting up a backyard barbecue I’ve been invited to. I think I could tell if they were feuding among themselves or already drunk; this would allow me to adjust my own behavior upon arrival. Or call in sick, blaming my go-to malady, botulism.
– It’d also be nice to get a glimpse at a religious leader’s sermon notes tucked under his arm before he arrived at the appropriate house of worship. I wouldn’t need to see the actual words of the oration—I’d just like to get an idea of how many words there are. If an excessive amount, I might still have time to have get there first, have the papers snatched from the minister’s hands and eaten. Would love to hear a religious leader apologize to the congregants by saying, “The dog ate my homily.” Paging Rover, A Rottweiler.
Ed Goldman's column appears almost every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. A former daily columnist for the Sacramento Business Journal, as well as monthly columnist for Sacramento Magazine and Comstock’s Business Magazine, he’s the author of five books, two plays and one musical (so far).
Yes, Virginia
A Weekly Blog by Virginia Varela
President, Golden Pacific Bank, a Division of SoFi Bank, N.A.
photo by Phoebe Verkouw
MUSIC IS GOOD FOR THE ART—AND HEART
The great cellist Pablo Casals said that music “is the divine way to tell beautiful, poetic things to the heart.”
I’m proud to share this week that SoFi Bank, N.A., recently gave a $10,000 grant to the Sacramento Philharmonic & Opera to provide training in opera to some of our less advantaged kids in Sacramento schools.
Kids need to know about all of the arts in our still-young century. They need (and deserve) training and exposure to all forms of it— and in the US this should include cultural keystones like the opera, classical music, ballet, theatre and the robust roster of the visual arts.
By offering art education in the school system, all children get a chance to stimulate their imaginations, as well as their cognitive and problem-solving skills, and are able to learn to express themselves and their emotions with an appreciation for our arts history.
In speaking of the Sacramento Philharmonic & Opera’s Opera in the Schools program, the organization’s dynamic young executive director, Giuliano Kornberg, says, “This program aims to bring a familiar story in a likely unfamiliar art form to children in grades K-3.
“If available, the schools will be sent a study and/or listening guide to prepare students for the experience, and the program would be presented in an assembly.
“The goals of this program are to provide greater exposure to the arts, create a sense of community and ownership within the arts, and to provide a holistic Sacramento experience. The hope of the SP&O is that we can foster a greater love for the arts in those who will grow to become Sacramento’s future.”
We embrace that goal. In fact, we’d like to set it to music!
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