Feb 3, 2021

Children’s Rhymes for 2021: Darkness Falls

Kids are reading again—that’s the good news, anyway…

By Ed Goldman

According to a number of business sources, children’s book sales and library checkouts of same have soared during the pandemic.

But I’m wondering what the country’s dark days have done to some of our old favorites. Like:

1.
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
They couldn’t evict her; ‘twas nothing to do.
The landlord discovered if moisture he put
In the chimney they’d all die from ath-a-lete’s foot.

2.
“Jack,” said Jill, “go up that hill
To test the city’s water.”
Jack grew ill
And changed his will.
His dough went straight to their daughter.

Edgy Cartoon

Mother Goose Goosed

3.
I have a gassy shadow that goes in and out with me.
His name is Giuliani and he loves conspiracy.
He doesn’t have a notion he’s become a bit passé.
I think I’ll call him Tooty ‘stead of Rudy, if I may.

4.
Mary had a little lamb,
At least she thought it was.
But when she learned that it was soy
She shot the chef (with cause).

5.
Hickory dickory dock
Some mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one. The others sued
That blankety-blankety clock.

6.
Little Bo-Beep
Has lost some sleep
Home-schooling ingrate children.
Left them alone
And hired a clone
Who very nicely filled in.

7.
Gavin Newsom sits on a wall:
Can’t decide a damn thing at all.
All his advisors, properly galled,
Fervently hope that he’s not recalled.

8.
Little Jack Horner
Sits in a corner
Nursing a glass of rye.
His stimulus check
Is gone—what the heck?
“At least it was not blown on pie!”

9.
Star light, star bright,
Too many stars, that’s right.
I know that I have nicely asked:
“Please remove these cataracts.”

10.
London Bridge is falling down,
Falling down, falling down,
I just want to leave this town
Where’s the exit?

Please throw Boris ‘neath a bus,
’Neath a bus, just for us.
London Bridge is falling down,
Let’s blame Brexit.

11.
The icky orange spider crawled up the water spout.
Down came the rain, and ruined the spider’s clout.
He’d told supporters, “This spout and swamp I’ll drain!”
But the icky orange spider’s in Florida again.
12.
The wheels on the bus go round and round.
Don’t you sort of hate that sound?
This urban life gets much too loud
When I’m off my meds.

The people on this bus ain’t Democrats:
They all wear MAGA hats.
I’m on a bus with Q-Anon
And I’m off my meds.

The horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep.
I’m back home. Just can’t sleep.
I will not go out again
‘til I’m back on meds.

Ed Goldman's column appears almost every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. A former daily columnist for the Sacramento Business Journal, as well as monthly columnist for Sacramento Magazine and Comstock’s Business Magazine, he’s the author of five books, two plays and one musical (so far).

Yes, Virginia

A Weekly Blog by Virginia Varela

President and CEO, Golden Pacific Bank

Even the banking industry can have superstars.

Case-in-point: I had the pleasure of working under the leadership of Janet Yellen, who was sworn in last Tuesday as U.S. Treasury Secretary, when I worked for the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco and she was its president. This was during the Great Recession starting in 2007.

Janet’s swearing-in was momentous on a number of levels, not the least of which was that she not only became our country’s 78th Treasury Secretary but also the first woman to head the agency in its more than 230 years. Add to this the fact she was administered her oath by U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris, the first woman to hold that position in the nation’s history. (As you know, she’s also the country’s first Black Vice President and first Asian-American one.)

I have great admiration for Janet Yellen. She’s intelligent, poised under fire, well spoken, and trustworthy. Staff know their bosses firsthand—she was well respected and nobody ever spoke ill of her.

On a human level, Janet tended to wear her collars up. I always wondered if her neck got cold otherwise. But it gave her a regal flair, inspiring me and other young ladies at the time to emulate her and pop our collars up.

So Collars Up, in salute to our superstar!

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