It was reported recently in every conceivable news outlet, on all social media websites, via carrier puffins and by zombie Pony Express riders that Prince Harry—aka, the Duke or Duck of Sussex, depending on how badly you suffer from Anglophilia—has been hired by the Aspen Institute’s Commission on Information Disorder.
I’m sure that many of you have a consulting etymologist on staff, as we do here at The Goldman State’s HQ. He’s been helping me navigate the shoals, icebergs and barrier reefs not only of word usage but also of overwrought nautical metaphors, like the one I just used.
Rush Limbaugh had yet to become RUSH LIMBAUGH when I met, got to know and ultimately estranged him during his days here in Sacramento at KFBK radio in the 1980s.
Just three weeks ago, on the day of Joe Biden’s inauguration as president, the aphids were already gathering on the plants of democracy. (You can see why I’ve cut back on the metaphor-consulting side of my business.)
A recent bill for garbage, water, sewer and recycling services contained an insert entitled “Your Utilities. Your Partner. City of Sacramento.”
This irks me on a number of levels. None are especially deep, you’ll be relieved and probably not surprised to learn. But still.
Had he been able to call the shots a few weeks ago, I suspect that Howard J. Rubenstein would have sent out a news release that said he was going on “an extended, indefinite sabbatical” instead of admitting he died. Yet he did that very thing, at the age of 88.
Many years, homes, pounds and non-elective surgical procedures ago, I overheard two four-year-old boys arguing in the driveway I shared with my neighbor.
One called the other a “poo-poo-head,” which was unimaginative but had a ring of clarity. The other hesitated, probably looked around and then said, “Oh yeah? Well you’re a piece of…of SIDEWALK!” This made the other explode in tears¬—and I imagine later kept him from pursuing a degree in civil engineering.
While it’s very late in the game to tell everyone that a member of my consulting team at The Goldman State HQ discovered the key to mind-controlling Donald Trump, I have to share this with you.
Had he lived a blessedly long life, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., would have celebrated his 92nd birthday—not today, which is the annual holiday in his honor, but three days ago, on the actual date the spiritual father of Black Lives Matter came into the world.
To keep you momentarily distracted from yesterday’s many elections—and from the fear that if Trump loses and deigns to make a concession speech it’ll include his revealing the nuclear codes—I thought I’d discuss an issue of monumental importance if you happen to think soda is a monumentally important issue.
