There may be some princely titles for sale soon

By Ed Goldman

Early last Autumn, as the world mourned the death of Queen Elizabeth II, Europe’s only other queen—Margrethe of Denmark, now the continent’s longest serving monarch—quietly stripped. I hope that got your attention. 

In truth, what Queen Margie did was strip others, not herself—and of titles, not of garments. It was a noble effort to let four of her eight grandkids enjoy noble-free lives, unhampered by words like Prince and Princess preceding their names. 

Here, let CBS News explain it: “The official reason was to allow the four children of her youngest son, Prince Joachim, to live more normal lives, and follows similar moves by other royal families in Europe to slim down their monarchies, the palace said.

“As of January 1, 2023,” the story continues, “the descendants of His Royal Highness Prince Joachim will only be able to use their titles of Count and Countess of Monpezat, their previous titles of Prince and Princess of Denmark ceasing to exist.”

If she’s planning on putting those disused titles on eBay, I’m more than willing to join the bidding. 

I’ve long thought that a Jewish boy from New York City, such as I, has no right to a British Royal name like Edward unless there’s some sort of title—and lands, of course—to ease the awkwardness.

How my brothers Stuart, Jerrold and I wound up with English given names in the first place may be worth noting. If it isn’t, feel free to skip today’s column and do the Jumble Game, Wordle or the Monster Mash, the dance we’re told was “a graveyard smash.”

Okay, back to earth. 

My mom thought that if there were ever to be a Russian-style pogrom in the United States, we could drop our obviously Jewish surname and “pass” as untoward Christian soldiers (that’s the 19th century hymn by Arthur Sullivan, right?). 

Ergo, my middle name is Bruce, and my late brother Stuart’s middle name was Barry. These could become our new haul-from-anywhere surnames if needed, our mom reasoned.

But there were two flaws in this design:

– Jerrold was never given a middle name (nor had our dad, Robert, been given one);

– If at least Stuart and I were to continue to be brothers, why didn’t our mom give us identical middle names?

I can’t speak for whether our eldest bro’ Jerry resented not having an escape-route middle name. I keep meaning to ask him when we speak or visit but it’d feel like stirring things up to inquire why he thought our mom left him to his own devices, pogrom-wise. Nobody needs that kind of uncertainty in his life.

More on the queen’s move, per CBS News: “The queen’s four other grandchildren, born to Crown Prince Frederik, 54, will retain their titles but when they come of age only the future king, Prince Christian, will receive an appanage, a decision taken in 2016.”

I think it’s nice that King-In-Waiting Chris will get his own appanage, though I need to confess that when I first read it, I thought it said “appendage.” The thought that such a young man was missing a vital limb made me both sad and, frankly, a bit awed that Queen Margie had the super-power to restore a lost arm or leg.

Then I consulted the Oxford English Dictionary, which usually never lets me down, and found that an appanage is “a gift of land, an official position, or money given to the younger children of kings and princes to provide for their maintenance.”