{"id":2680,"date":"2020-06-10T04:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-06-10T11:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/goldmanstate.com\/?p=2680"},"modified":"2020-06-10T08:03:01","modified_gmt":"2020-06-10T15:03:01","slug":"six-post-pandemic-brainstorms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/goldmanstate.com\/2020\/06\/10\/six-post-pandemic-brainstorms\/","title":{"rendered":"Six Post-Pandemic Brainstorms to Prove Invention is the True Mother of Necessity"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.0.1&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;19px||23px|||&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.7&#8243; global_module=&#8221;2637&#8243; saved_tabs=&#8221;all&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.7&#8243;][et_pb_image src=&#8221;https:\/\/goldmanstate.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/GPB-Bank-Local-Banner.jpg&#8221; title_text=&#8221;GPB-Bank-Local-Banner&#8221; url=&#8221;https:\/\/www.goldenpacificbank.com\/&#8221; url_new_window=&#8221;on&#8221; align=&#8221;center&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.7&#8243;][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.0.1&#8243; min_height=&#8221;114px&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;17px||2px|||&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.0.1&#8243;][et_pb_post_title title=&#8221;off&#8221; author=&#8221;off&#8221; categories=&#8221;off&#8221; comments=&#8221;off&#8221; featured_image=&#8221;off&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.0.2&#8243; meta_font=&#8221;|700|on||||||&#8221; meta_text_align=&#8221;center&#8221; meta_text_color=&#8221;#ff0000&#8243; custom_margin=&#8221;||0px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||0px||false|false&#8221;][\/et_pb_post_title][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.8&#8243; min_height=&#8221;75px&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;||0px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||0px|||&#8221;]<\/p>\n<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">Six Post-Pandemic Brainstorms to Prove Invention is the True Mother of Necessity <\/h1>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.8&#8243; header_2_font=&#8221;Georgia|300|||||||&#8221; header_2_font_size=&#8221;21px&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;-5px||0px||false|false&#8221;]<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\">Ideas borne of isolation and possibly too much coffee<\/h2>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.0.3&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;0px||0px|||&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.0.3&#8243;][et_pb_text admin_label=&#8221;Author&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.0.1&#8243; header_4_text_align=&#8221;center&#8221; header_6_text_align=&#8221;center&#8221; header_6_font_size=&#8221;13px&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;||2px|||&#8221;]<\/p>\n<h6>By Ed Goldman<\/h6>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.3.2&#8243; module_alignment=&#8221;center&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;|auto||179px||&#8221; module_alignment_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; module_alignment_phone=&#8221;&#8221; module_alignment_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.0.1&#8243;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.8&#8243;]<\/p>\n<p><span class='et-dropcap'>I<\/span>\u2019ve been reading about how many people used the global house arrest to, variously: (a) create art; (b) learn homeschooling skills; (c) master stress-reduction techniques from homeschooling; (d) teach themselves to cook; (e) use GPS to triangulate where the nearest pharmacy was that still had a supply of Pepto Bismol; and, (f) order copies of \u201cDIY Divorce: The Self-Isolating Couple\u2019s Guide to Alienation of Afflictions and Other New Legal Terms.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Some people have even developed what they hope will be Post-Pandemic inventions. I am one of those people. I think that a lawyer friend was recommending I register these because, as he said, \u201cThey\u2019re patently absurd.\u201d I initially thought this might have been a shot\u2014but because it contained the word \u201cpatent,\u201d I\u2019ve since written it off as a jealous compliment.  [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_code admin_label=&#8221;Adsense Horizontal&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.3.2&#8243; width=&#8221;90%&#8221; width_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; width_phone=&#8221;&#8221; width_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; max_width=&#8221;90%&#8221; module_alignment=&#8221;center&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_margin_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; custom_margin_phone=&#8221;|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_margin_last_edited=&#8221;on|desktop&#8221; global_module=&#8221;1433&#8243; saved_tabs=&#8221;all&#8221;]<script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js\"><\/script><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><!-- gs_horizontal_new --><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     style=&#8221;display:block&#8221;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-client=&#8221;ca-pub-8489921453224987&#8243;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-slot=&#8221;5069548950&#8243;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-format=&#8221;auto&#8221;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-full-width-responsive=&#8221;true&#8221;><\/ins><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><script><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><\/script>[\/et_pb_code][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.8&#8243;]<\/p>\n<p>My six brainstorms include the following:[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.8&#8243; hover_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243;]<\/p>\n<p>1. ANAL-RETENTIVE HOUSEPETS. I know, I know, it sounds inhumane. But I assure you that no critter was harmed during the genetic-engineering phase. A number of my lab assistants were, however\u2014especially the ones working in our Large Animals Division, where they discovered that sliding a Depends\u00ae onto a hippopotamus is a little more fraught than it may sound. On the other hand, the opossums and ferrets in our Amiable Animals Division were not only cooperative but also proved to be surprisingly ticklish. You haven\u2019t lived until you\u2019ve heard a ferret giggle.<\/p>\n<p>2. AUTOMATIC DISHWASHER LOADER\/EMPTIER. A friend of mine once suggested that the best way to save time and energy doing the dishes would be to have two dishwashers sit side by side: You\u2019d simply load up the empty one as you unloaded the one filled with dirty dishes and silverware, and never have to schlep anything across the kitchen ever again. These color-coordinated appliances would each include a retractable arm to load and unload the two dishwashers in concert\u2014or possibly on iTunes (sorry, but I\u2019ve never understood the expression \u201cin concert\u201d unless it refers to a musical performance of some sort).<\/p>\n<p>Well, I thought this was a great idea but then grew worried about the future of the craftspeople who make china closets, especially those with the little lights inside them so you can distinguish the Spode from the Oneida at a glance and thereby lose no I\u2019m-just as-rich-as-you luster with your dinner guests. So for now, let\u2019s just call this\u2014as I\u2019ve been called, all too frequently and not in a manner I\u2019d deem to be constructive\u2014a work in progress.<\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_code admin_label=&#8221;Adsense Horizontal&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.3.2&#8243; width=&#8221;90%&#8221; width_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; width_phone=&#8221;&#8221; width_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; max_width=&#8221;90%&#8221; module_alignment=&#8221;center&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_margin_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; custom_margin_phone=&#8221;|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_margin_last_edited=&#8221;on|desktop&#8221; global_module=&#8221;1433&#8243; saved_tabs=&#8221;all&#8221;]<script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js\"><\/script><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><!-- gs_horizontal_new --><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     style=&#8221;display:block&#8221;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-client=&#8221;ca-pub-8489921453224987&#8243;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-slot=&#8221;5069548950&#8243;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-format=&#8221;auto&#8221;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-full-width-responsive=&#8221;true&#8221;><\/ins><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><script><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><\/script>[\/et_pb_code][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.8&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;||0px|||&#8221; hover_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243;]3. TISSUE SHORTAGE ALERT (informally, TSA; not to be confused with the national airport-safety groping department). Since there still seems to be some mania out there about running out of toilet paper, it might be worth your time and federal stimulus check to install an early-warning system when the supply of rolls in your closet is diminishing and you\u2019ve already interrogated all the people with whom you\u2019ve been isolating to see if any of them have side-hustles involving the sale of Two-Ply Charmin on the black market. The TSA may be a tiny sensor but it\u2019ll emit a deafening roar not unlike that of a hippo whose private parts are snagged as he\u2019s being fitted with Depends\u00ae.<\/p>\n<p>4. AUTO-CORRECT CORRECTER. Are you as fed up as the known galaxy is with this device on your reportedly smart phone\u2014the one that juxtaposes one word in a sentence like \u201cI think this is unclear\u201d to \u201cI think this is nuclear.\u201d Or that turns a suddenly omnipresent term like \u201cthe novel coronavirus\u201d into \u201cthe novel, \u2018Coronation on Venus\u2019\u201d, which sounds like a new, unauthorized Star Wars story.<\/p>\n<p>In journalism, an editor or copyreader has two funny little words to indicate \u201cRemove this word\u201d (dele) or \u201cLeave it in, I must\u2019ve been drunk when I wrote \u2018dele\u2019\u201d(stet). In other words, there\u2019s a precedent for reversing yourself\u2014i.e., correcting a correction.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve turned my invention into an app, but am making it available only for stubborn transitioners from IBM Selectrics\u00ae, who\u00a0evidently\u00a0miss that miraculous sold-separately white ribbon.[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_code admin_label=&#8221;Adsense Horizontal&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.3.2&#8243; width=&#8221;90%&#8221; width_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; width_phone=&#8221;&#8221; width_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; max_width=&#8221;90%&#8221; module_alignment=&#8221;center&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_margin_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; custom_margin_phone=&#8221;|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_margin_last_edited=&#8221;on|desktop&#8221; global_module=&#8221;1433&#8243; saved_tabs=&#8221;all&#8221;]<script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js\"><\/script><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><!-- gs_horizontal_new --><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     style=&#8221;display:block&#8221;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-client=&#8221;ca-pub-8489921453224987&#8243;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-slot=&#8221;5069548950&#8243;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-format=&#8221;auto&#8221;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-full-width-responsive=&#8221;true&#8221;><\/ins><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><script><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><\/script>[\/et_pb_code][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.8&#8243; hover_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243;]5. TECH SUPPORT ACCENT REMOVAL. This is not a cultural slam; in fact, I hope it will help improve international relations between the users of English-language based products and the Help Desk people who are also said to speak English, but often with accents richly evocative of Indo-European and Indo-Iranian languages such as Dravidian, Austroasiatic (including Munda, natch) as well as certain Sino-Tibetan tongues.<\/p>\n<p>With a single click of your iPhone, or a series of them with your thrifty droids, you can greatly reduce dialectic inflections but also select\u2014from a lengthy list of United States regional tones\u2014a new sound for your tech helper.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s Deep South Drawl (\u201cHah! Hooow kin we mike yer phone grite again, jess lack America?\u201d) or New England Katherine Hepburn-tinged Can-Do-It-Ness (\u201cOh, fah Gawd\u2019s sake, stop yaw whining, pick up yaw device and let\u2019s get on with it!\u201d).<\/p>\n<p>My preferred voice takes me back to my childhood in Bronx, New York (\u201cT\u2019ink I got nuttin\u2019 bettah t\u2019do dan play nice wit\u2019 your phone, Pal? Fawgeddaboudit!\u201d)[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_code admin_label=&#8221;Adsense Horizontal&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.3.2&#8243; width=&#8221;90%&#8221; width_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; width_phone=&#8221;&#8221; width_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; max_width=&#8221;90%&#8221; module_alignment=&#8221;center&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_margin_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; custom_margin_phone=&#8221;|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_margin_last_edited=&#8221;on|desktop&#8221; global_module=&#8221;1433&#8243; saved_tabs=&#8221;all&#8221;]<script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js\"><\/script><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><!-- gs_horizontal_new --><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     style=&#8221;display:block&#8221;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-client=&#8221;ca-pub-8489921453224987&#8243;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-slot=&#8221;5069548950&#8243;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-format=&#8221;auto&#8221;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-full-width-responsive=&#8221;true&#8221;><\/ins><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><script><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><\/script>[\/et_pb_code][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.4.8&#8243; hover_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243;]6. REVERSIBLE PAJAMAS\/PANTS-OR-LEISURE SUIT. Since so many of us grew accustomed to the comfort of working in our jammies the past several weeks, why lose that reassuring stretch-proof-waistband feeling when we return to the out-of-home workplace?<\/p>\n<p>With just a flip and a shake, your patterned PJs can become, for ladies, an attractive monochrome pants suit, as popularized by Hillary Clinton\u2014or, for fellas, a 1970s leisure suit that all but begs to be accessorized with love beads, a dashing neck scarf and the growth of mutton-chop sideburns.<\/p>\n<p>The ladies\u2019 pants suit comes in shutter green, the gents\u2019 leisure suit in powder blue. Make your new parole a fashion statement!<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"endingG\"><\/span>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_code admin_label=&#8221;Adsense Horizontal&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.3.2&#8243; width=&#8221;90%&#8221; width_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; width_phone=&#8221;&#8221; width_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; max_width=&#8221;90%&#8221; module_alignment=&#8221;center&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_margin_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; custom_margin_phone=&#8221;|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_margin_last_edited=&#8221;on|desktop&#8221; global_module=&#8221;1433&#8243; saved_tabs=&#8221;all&#8221;]<script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js\"><\/script><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><!-- gs_horizontal_new --><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     style=&#8221;display:block&#8221;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-client=&#8221;ca-pub-8489921453224987&#8243;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-slot=&#8221;5069548950&#8243;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-ad-format=&#8221;auto&#8221;<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     data-full-width-responsive=&#8221;true&#8221;><\/ins><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><script><!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] -->     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});<!-- [et_pb_line_break_holder] --><\/script>[\/et_pb_code][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.3.2&#8243; module_alignment=&#8221;center&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;|auto||0px|false|false&#8221; module_alignment_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; module_alignment_phone=&#8221;&#8221; module_alignment_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; border_color_top=&#8221;#E02B20&#8243; global_module=&#8221;1122&#8243; saved_tabs=&#8221;all&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.0.6&#8243;][et_pb_text module_class=&#8221;AuthorBioBox&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.2.2&#8243; text_font=&#8221;Georgia||on||||||&#8221; text_text_color=&#8221;#444&#8243; text_font_size=&#8221;14px&#8221; text_line_height=&#8221;1.7em&#8221;]<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/goldmanstate.com\/about-ed\/\">Ed Goldman&#8217;s<\/a> column appears almost every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. A former daily columnist for the Sacramento Business Journal, as well as monthly columnist for Sacramento Magazine and Comstock\u2019s Business Magazine, he\u2019s the author of five books, two plays and one musical (so far).<\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n<span class=\"et_bloom_bottom_trigger\"><\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I\u2019ve been reading about how many people used the global house arrest to, variously: (a) create art; (b) learn homeschooling skills; (c) master stress-reduction techniques from homeschooling; (d) teach themselves to cook; (e) use GPS to triangulate where the nearest pharmacy was that still had a supply of Pepto Bismol; and, (f) order copies of \u201cDIY Divorce: The Self-Isolating Couple\u2019s Guide to Alienation of Afflictions and Other New Legal Terms.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Six Post-Pandemic Brainstorms to Prove Invention is the True Mother of Necessity - The Goldman State by Ed Goldman<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/goldmanstate.com\/2020\/06\/10\/six-post-pandemic-brainstorms\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Six Post-Pandemic Brainstorms to Prove Invention is the True Mother of Necessity - The Goldman State by Ed Goldman\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I\u2019ve been reading about how many people used the global house arrest to, variously: (a) create art; 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