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Using US Presidents as role models? Be very afraid

By Ed Goldman

Since I was 10 years old, I’ve often tried to identify with the President of the United States.

I couldn’t begin this before I was 10 because Harry S Truman was still the chief exec until I was two (and not yet into emulation as a growth strategy). Then along came Dwight D. “Ike” Eisenhower, who looked like both of my grandfathers, who played golf. I couldn’t relate to his having been an Army general, a Midwesterner (Texas born but Kansas-raised) or someone who actually enjoyed playing golf.

But John F. Kennedy was elected the month I turned 10 years old in 1960. And even though there was nothing in his background with which I could credibly identify—he was born into a large, affluent family, was Catholic and a war hero—he did have one asset I shared: a healthy head of hair.

But mine was very curly so my attempts to part it on the left like JFK did made me look less like an Irish-American Bostonian than a reverse-imaged, literally pale imitation of Frederick Douglass, the great African-American statesman (who parted his on the right). Curly hair just isn’t made for parting—though mine has been parting ways with me for some time.

Over the years, despite my aversion to Richard Nixon I found myself trying one of his self-confessed go-to snacks, cottage cheese with ketchup on it. Not as bad as I’d feared but it certainly didn’t make me feel that national politics was in my future. Pepto Bismol, yes.

I liked the fact that George Bush the Elder enjoyed vodka martinis even though it made him tell us to watch his lips, with which he promised “no new taxes.” People say all sorts of things after a couple of vodkas.  I also enjoyed reading that Ronald Reagan liked munching on candy from California’s own Jelly Belly Factory, even though I prefer Brach’s jelly beans. But he made me proud of being a guy who could adapt, which tempted me to switch political parties until I weaned myself from the Pepto.

I tried Barack Obama’s self-disciplined snacking habit one evening. Before it was reported that he’d only been joking about the amount, he’d supposedly place precisely seven almonds on his desk and that would constitute his complete nightly indulgence. So I bought a package of Blue Diamond almonds and ate just seven of them one evening. Unfortunately, they were the wasabi-infused version and caused me to drink 12 glasses of ice water in the hours that followed—another indulgence, which caused me to wake and leave my bed five times that night. You don’t want your Leader of the Free World to show up at early-morning summits with dark circles under his eyes.

As for Joe Biden—well, I, too, like vanilla ice cream and I, too, have fallen asleep during someone else’s speech. Unlike Joe, however, never during one of my own. (Of course, ever since Joe was caught plagiarizing a speech from the estimable British MP Neil Kinnock, even when he fell asleep during one of his own speeches it might not have really been “his own.”)

So now we come to Donald Trump, our past and present BLOTUS (Bloviator of the United States). Do I have anything in common with him? Well…

-Both of us are from New York City and neither of us has served in the military. 

-Both of us are Baby Boomers and have troublesome hair.

-Neither of us knows much about international trade.