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Let’s start with the War of 1812…

By Ed Goldman

President Donald J. Trump, often referred to as the BLOTUS (Blowhard of the United States), now blames former President Joe Biden for stranding those brave NASA astronauts in their space station. This seems completely appropriate—provided you’re seven years old and the school’s assigned you your own “special counselor.” 

Maybe you think the accusations are unfair, absurd or a little of both. My feeling, however, is that they simply don’t go far enough. Here are some more examples of Biden’s malfeasance, neglect and/or booboos:

1. While Biden pardoned his son, Hunter, for a garden variety of crimes and misdemeanors, noneof those would have been an issue had he not fathered Hunter in the first place, am I right? You know I am. 
2. And am I the only one who wonders why Luigi Mangione, the young stud and lower-body orifice who’s accused of shooting to death UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, is never seen in the same photo with Hunter Biden? Is it possible they’re…the same guy? Consider: They’re both tall and somewhat handsome, they both like guns and they’re deranged. (I hope this last remark doesn’t constitute libel because by making it I might have made it more difficult for the guys to find jobs someday.) 
3. Had he changed his name from Joe Biden to Jack Biden some years ago, wouldn’t our nursery-rhyme-loving nation have gladly returned Jack and Jill to Capitol Hill—even if, during the descent, Joe fell down and broke his crown? Surely, a head injury would have explained his subsequent debate performance against the once and future BLOTUS. Lots better than saying he had a cold.

4. Is it possible the FBI, Secret Service and MSNBC have covered up the fact that it was none other than Joe Biden who lay in wait at Mar-a-Lago to take aim at our beloved BLOTUS—but that it was some other poor schnook who got taken into custody when all he was doing there in the bushes, armed to the teeth and in possession of a manifesto justifying the assassination of a president, was just waiting to ask a passing maintenance man on a John Deere riding mower to help him reserve a tee time? Getting those can be very frustrating.  
5. By now, everyone knows it simply had to be a time-traveling Joe Biden who plotted the downfall of the stock market and provoked a slew of multi-lingual temper tantrums from former allies with both occurrences being credited to the imposing of clinically insane tariffs. We also know that plummeting Tesla sales, credited to the installation of clinically insane Elon Musk in the newly created federal government role of Lord High Executioner, had to be set in motion by Joe Biden, possibly by using an A-I app while riding the train a few years ago. I mean, how can we not acknowledge these phenomena?
6. And what’s the deal with Southwest Airlines deciding to charge us for checking our luggage—and in a month or two starting to assign us seats for the first time in its history? Major corporate sea-changes like these don’t just happen overnight, my friend. They take at least four years of strategizing—from the first timid suggestion by, perhaps, a baggage handler or flight attendant, to putting it in writing, from running it up the ol’ flagpole to taking a full vote of the board of directors. So you have to ask yourself: Who was our President during this decision-making epoch? Trump? Or Biden? Thanks a lot, Pal.