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Jan 31, 2025

Quibbles & Bits: Milk and Money

Dairy and daring co-exist in today’s column!

By Ed Goldman

GOT BOOZE?—I was recently surprised to catch this headline out of the corner of my eye: “Americans are drinking less.” Then I saw the second line of the headline—”but devouring butter, cheese.” Finally, it all came into focus: We’re drinking less milk, not less alcohol, praise be to Vodka. 

This was somewhat comforting news to me. The fact is, I like both milk and alcohol, though not together. And I find there’s no reason these two can’t exist in a healthy diet, except that one of them may not be good for you. Milk.

Edgy Cartoon
“I drink…therefore I am…”

I don’t mean the delicious product that emanates from cows or even goats, which I find udderly tasty. (Yes, in cyberspace, someone can hear you groan.) It’s the milk that passes itself off as a dairy drink when its main ingredient is either a tree nut (almond milk) or grain (oat milk) that grates.

Almond milk is the one I’m more acquainted with because Blue Diamond Almonds was a marketing client of mine years ago, when we had an ad campaign featuring real almond growers spelling out their modest needs to consumers: “A can a week is all we ask.” An agricultural cooperative, Blue Diamonds was always in the vanguard of research and development, coming up with variations on its product, such as a breakfast cereal that included almond slivers, almond butter and raw almonds coated with sea salt, roasted in honey and dipped in wasabi (my fave—but better have plenty of cold milk or vodka standing by).

More recently, they came up with Almond Breeze, which isn’t really milk (but plays one on TV). It’s tasty but it consists of almonds that are crushed into dust, added to water and voila, the nuts form a liquid. You could issue a disclaimer indicating “No cows were harmed in the making of this product”—and even add, “In fact, no cows were even anywhere near the premises.” 

Because it’s a best-selling product, my question is: Are people really drinking less milk or less actual milk?

THE GIGGLE ECONOMY— Since the “hybrid” concept started allowing people to work from home, numerous reports have surfaced of people holding down two full-time jobs—simultaneously and surreptitiously. The practice has prompted indignant letters, including one to Kwame Anthony Appiah, the NYU philosophy professor who writes The Ethicist column in the New York Times Sunday magazine. He opined—for this is what philosophers do whereas most of us simply yak—that this could have a “fraying” effect of trust in the workplace.

Frayed so. But the pettiness isn’t much different than the jealousy co-workers in a traditional workplace have long felt if others are making slightly more money, occupy offices with cooler views or have installed espresso machines in their credenzas.

I’ll admit to finding it funny—and telling. If someone’s capable of holding down two full-time jobs at the same time and turning out acceptable work, it could mean one of two things: (a) the work isn’t very hard, or (b) the two-timing employees are over-qualified for both of their jobs.

I recall vividly how, when I worked in offices, especially in city government, I was able to complete much of my work in half of the allotted time (eight hours) and spend the rest of the day freelance writing but pretending to be hard at work on a report of some sort if people wondered why they heard my typewriter ferociously click-clacking and dinging at all times of the work shift. Yes, typewriter. As you might have guessed, this was in a different era, one in which we wore saber-tooth tiger pelts and neckties but no shoes to the office. The secretaries were all named Wilma and Betty and infant velociraptors were used as vacuum cleaners. 

Even so, we were forward-thinking: For example, we had tiger’s milk.

Don’t forget! A new Goldman State Podcast drops every Friday!

Ed Goldman's column appears almost every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. A former daily columnist for the Sacramento Business Journal, as well as monthly columnist for Sacramento Magazine and Comstock’s Business Magazine, he’s the author of five books, two plays and one musical (so far).