A new Goldman State Podcast drops every Friday!

Inflation, deflation and conflation, together again

By Ed Goldman

For today’s lecture, I’m proposing a new field of financial theory: Ickynomics. Since elections are upon us and I’ve been mulling this for years but have no specifics, I think I can safely say this is a time whose idea has finally come.

After all, we waited for whatever was supposed to trickle down on us via Reaganomics and later spent the entire administration of George Bush the Elder trying to figure out if we were one of his thousand points of light. In fact, I have a call in to Washington Post columnist Peggy Noonan, who came up with that vague-at-best concept when she wrote speeches for Bush. For the record, I think it’s superior to Melania Trump’s “Be Best”—but neither phrase sparks my divine fire. 

Some more economic history: Bill Clinton launched what I like to call Bubbanomics, whose subliminal message might have been “Call Hillary and the unions to ask them what I think.” Then there were the policies of Bush the Younger (whose affectionate nickname I believe was Dumbya): DickCheneyomics. This school of thought apparently involves shooting your hunting buddy. Unfortunately, it didn’t catch on with responsible gun-owning citizens who knew their targets sported antlers, not LL Bean ensembles. 

Meanwhile, Donald Trump has long been the living embodiment of the country’s Gross Domestic Product, while Bidenomics featured such tone-deaf declamations as, “Look Pal, I know spending $45 on a potato seems like a lot. But as a kid from Scranton, I snurblegurblefurbled. Sorry, is this mic on? Wait, that’s not a mic?” And while I’ll vote twice if necessary for Kamala Harris, I have to admit that her semi-garbled economic policy so far qualifies as Textural Harrisment. 

You can see why I think the nation is ready for Ickynomics. It combines, enhances or completely distorts a number of financial concepts, all at once.  For instance, we’ve had microeconomics and macroeconomics. Ergo, the moment is ripe for macandcheesynomics, a satisfying, easy-to-whip-up fiscal dish completely devoid of troubling nutrients. 

And how about Ickynomics’ Trickle-Me Elmo? Some of us who believed Ronald Reagan’s economy would work—and gave what we thought were tax-deductible donations to something called the Oliver North Contra-Day School—are probably still red with embarrassment. Enter Elmo, the delightful Muppet who took on all of our shame and in the process turned completely red. He’s happy to do it again. You might say he’ll dye for our sins.

Since no one ever knows what will actually work in the American economy, we’ve decided to replace supply-side economics with something we’re calling  Suppose-Side Economics. Under this program, the world’s remaining great thinkers will climb into the backseat of a BMW MINI Cooper—don’t worry, there’ll still be plenty of room for their satchels, laptops and abaci—and get driven around in Washington, DC for a few hours, during which instead of playing “I Spy” they’ll engage in a game called “S’pose this were to happen.” They’ll have a lively chat about potential global economic challenges such as climate and regime changes, crypto currency and invaders from Pluto. (The invaders will soon discover the U.S. still hasn’t adopted the metric system of measurement when they command, “Take us to your liter.”)   

Under Ickynomics, the “business cycle” will be supplanted by the business skateboard in an attempt to slow down the economy while also learning to do ollies on freeway off-ramps.