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Oct 9, 2024

“Please Donate to My $1.17 Billion Nonprofit”

Annual fund drives are rarely fun drives

By Ed Goldman

While I’m far from prudish, I firmly believe the parent organization of Sutter Medical Foundation should be indicted for sending obscene materials through the United States Postal Service.

I’m talking about its recent Annual Fund appeal (as well as its ongoing letters begging for financial support). It uses the equivalent of child porn—in this case, suffering kids—in the hope I’ll be shamed into sending money to the affiliate of a health system which “had $1.17 billion in net income in 2023.” The source of that data is Sutter itself, a self-declared “not-for-profit” institution. You may want to run a fact-check. 

Edgy Cartoon

Slim Dickens

Maybe you’re thinking, “Well, what about expenses, man, don’t you know nothin’?!” Well,  please note the word “net” precedes ‘income” above. On the other hand, when you consider that Sutter makes that much dough and still wants you and me to roll them some more, that “net” is pretty gross.

What am I missing here (other than my 40+ years of co-pays)? The foundation, I’m sure, would claim that it has nothing to do with the mother ship, even though it shares a name, real estate and medical staff. When a private-sector/for-profit company creates a spin-off 501(c)(3) foundation, it needs to abide by very strict rules about not mixing funds or personnel. Yet it appears that when a non-profit creates another non-profit, the regs get a little more amorphous; in my experience, I’ve seen principal organizations “borrow” money from their foundations to meet payroll, worker’s comp or budget expectations.

I’m not really sure why the “not-for-profit-wink-wink-nudge-nudge” Sutter Health can’t offer all of the programs its foundation does to save kids. It could even reissue the same heart-breaking/inspiring stories of “Little” Whomever, who contracted sepsis or bubonic plague while out riding their tricycles on a glorious autumn day. 

If you think that’s a cheap shot, I’m referring to the unwritten rule in fundraising and news reporting that when children are in trouble, the descriptor “Little” is front-loaded before their given names. If you don’t believe me, Google some stories on kids trapped in deportation wrangles at the bottom of agricultural wells (but not immediately saved by Lassie). If the children are named Elijah and Susie, they instantly become Little Elijah and Little Susie, even if they’re big for their ages and have to buy their clothes in the “husky” or “little ladies” section of the department store.  Apparently, when you’re trying to plunk someone’s heartstrings or purse-strings, size really does matter.

The kids-in-danger stories are always dramatically written and frankly, they are very dramatic stories. But when a genuine nonprofit—one that relies strictly on donations and grants, not on a megabucks mommy, trots out the people it’s helped and tells their stories, it’s a lot more convincing.

People sometimes object to theatre, ballet and orchestra companies seeking donations, especially if any of those is fortunate enough to be packing ’em in, audience-wise. The weird irony is that ticket sales alone don’t cover the costs, even if the respective company opts to stage, dance or play something on a smaller scale. And even if they don’t have to pay to rent the venue—because they own it—they still have to come up with the “standing” costs of keeping the facility in tip-top shape when no performances are scheduled that week, month or season.

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For a no-doubt false equivalency, if you were to let your house go to hell for 11 months of the year then spiff it up in time for the holidays, you might find the job more difficult each year. “Rust Never Sleeps,” as we learned from a great album by Neil Young & Crazy Horse, but neither does mold, dry-rot nor depreciation. I suppose I’m speaking from experience.

The letter I received from the foundation’s “philanthropy executive,” has a PS: “I hope you will support Sutter Medical Foundation’s Annual Fund. Your kindness is a big part of what makes our community a great place to live—for all of us!”

I’d say “Gag me with a spoon” but the spoon probably isn’t covered by my Sutter Health policy. And I don’t want to make a mess since I’m not planning to clean my house until mid-December.

Ed Goldman's column appears almost every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. A former daily columnist for the Sacramento Business Journal, as well as monthly columnist for Sacramento Magazine and Comstock’s Business Magazine, he’s the author of five books, two plays and one musical (so far).