Dracula’s Castle’s Giving COVID Shots: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Getting inoculated at the home of everyone’s favorite zombie
By Ed Goldman
If you’d like to combine getting away with getting inoculated, good news: according to CBS News, Dracula’s castle—or at least the Romanian mansion thought to have figured in Bram Stoker’s original gothic novel—is now offering free COVID-19 vaccinations for another three days.
Well, fangs very much.
At the Vampire Estate Building
But hold on a second. Since “Dracula” is one of my favorite books, even though the title character literally sucks, I think it may be worthwhile for you to consider a few things before booking an overseas flight, to wit:
1. If the nurse insists on drawing blood before injecting you, something could be very much amiss. You don’t give at these events. You get.
2. If there’s an on-site snack bar run by a guy named Renfield, don’t opt for the bucket of extra-crispy flies.
3. As incarnated by both Bela Lugosi and various actors in films, when asked if he’s going to join his guest for a drink, Dracula famously replies, with a meaningful pause, ”I don’t drink…wine.” If offered any, neither should you. Just say you’re allergic to red wine.
5. Etiquette tip: The following is not a good joke to spring on the nurse giving you your serum in a facility that may have belonged to someone who slept by day in a velvet-lined tomb.
“What’d one casket say to the other casket?”
“’Is that you coffin?’”
7. Wearing a garland of garlic cloves around your neck and toting a 10-pound cross to your inoculation aren’t exactly surefire preventive measures—unless you’re trying, with all your might, to prevent your ever being asked out on a date.
While the wait to leave may seem to last forever, according to medical and religious authorities it’s still a better way to achieve immortality than by having a vampire bite you.