Mourning the February Deaths of Hal Holbrook and Christopher Plummer
Because I’ve had a career that’s allowed me to interview some boldface names—celebrities whose names just ache to be dropped by the likes of peons like us—I sometimes have to stop myself when someone mentions Mark Twain or John Barrymore from blurting out, “Oh, yeah, I’ve met them!”
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The Shuttering of a Sears Store Triggers a Few Memories
The announced closure of a Sears department store in California’s capital ignited my anecdotalometer.
Anecdotalometers are memory triggers: launchpads for flights of remembered fancy.
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Minks in Trouble! They’re Contracting COVID-19!
One of the worst cosmic jokes I can imagine would be to have died and then been reincarnated as a mink.
In addition to these adorable rodents being exploited and murdered so they could be made into coats for Blackglama’s “What Becomes a Legend Most?” ad campaign in the 20th century (please see my February 8 column), news now comes that they’re contracting COVID.
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Are Work Desks Really Disappearing? Mine Does, Daily
One of the admittedly minor but notable changes occurring in this period I’m calling our Grave New World is the gradual disappearance of the work desk.
For those of you who just fainted or began composing suicide notes in Haiku on your smartphones, please note I said the work desk, not the Help Desk, was in fade mode.
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Has the Pandemic Curbed Constant Whining?
The head of research for The Goldman State, Delve S. Presley, reports there have been two semi-positive things that have emerged from the pandemic:
1. When you wear a mask people can’t tell if you’re smirking.
2. Whining has been trimmed by at least 73 percent in the United States. Delve admits this is anecdotal, and largely confined to his immediate family.
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Three Guys Pay $55 Million Each to Visit a Space Station
Three guys are reportedly paying $55 million each to book a flight on an Elon Musk rocket ship to visit the International Space Station sometime next year. The trip on the SpaceX Dragon craft includes an eight-day stay at the station, presumably with spa privileges.
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It’s D-Day for V-Day: Some Last-Minute Cards
It’s D-Day for V-Day: Some Last-Minute Cards Honoring an executed Holy Roman priest—with chocolate...
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Our Man Joe: Same-Day Disappointment—Guaranteed!
Just three weeks ago, on the day of Joe Biden’s inauguration as president, the aphids were already gathering on the plants of democracy. (You can see why I’ve cut back on the metaphor-consulting side of my business.)
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Legends Oughta Fall: Who’s Kidding Whom?
The word “legend” confused me as a schoolboy and I must confess there’s been little improvement in the ensuing years.
As a kid, I learned that Paul Bunyan and Davy Crockett, only one of whom was real, were “legends.” I was also taught that the part of a map explaining its various symbols and scale was called a “legend.”
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Why Do We, Like, Want So Much To Be, Like, Liked?
A recent bill for garbage, water, sewer and recycling services contained an insert entitled “Your Utilities. Your Partner. City of Sacramento.”
This irks me on a number of levels. None are especially deep, you’ll be relieved and probably not surprised to learn. But still.
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Children’s Rhymes for 2021: Darkness Falls
One of the admittedly minor but notable changes occurring in this period I’m calling our Grave New World is the gradual disappearance of the work desk.
For those of you who just fainted or began composing suicide notes in Haiku on your smartphones, please note I said the work desk, not the Help Desk, was in fade mode.
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Dogs, Diabetes and Upside-Down Houses
The dog days of winter are evidently upon me. Recently, a crossword clue about an “upward facing dog” led me to write about yoga poses. Today, a troubling study by Swedish scientists indicates that if your dog has diabetes, you may get it, too. Should I be concerned?
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